My review starts at a local tavern, the main character and his buddies, having a little more than too much to drink. However, he’s not drunk enough yet to not call his girlfriend to tell her that he’s going to be late. (Of course, he still manages to make it a sob story, and she doesn’t get the message right away, but that’s besides the point.) Cut to a few moments later, and not only is your character drunk as a skunk, but all he wants to do is find his way home. I knew this game was going to be something special, because not only is your first job to find and take an Alka-Seltzer, but until that point, your controls are compromised, you walk very slow, and cannot jump. How realistic! And from a Nintendo 64 cartridge? Who would have thought!

Yes, I’m talking about “Conker’s Bad Fur Day” for the N64. While it certainly wasn’t the first “M” rated title for the N64, it was a complete turnaround from the previous games that Conker was featured in, which were all rated “E”. So much different that on the prototype boxes for the game, the rating was three times larger than typical! The actual box art did however have a lot of extra graphics saying the game was for adults. I guess that was a good thing, even if someone couldn’t tell with the box art, with a squirrel holding an extra large glass of lager. I personally remember the commercials for the game that aired on TV. Basically an older teen with attitude in her studio apartment, talking dirty to a squirrel after it was just in the bathroom from drinking too much. Ads like that are effective, if I can remember it after all these years. The game was released about a week before my 20th birthday, and I remember getting the cartridge at Circuit City with my birthday cash.

But when you get the game itself, you can tell it was no holds barred. The game is full of mostly uncensored vulgar language (only a specific 4-letter F word is bleeped out), drug/alcohol usage (drinking beer and smoking pot), a lot of sexual innuendo (a sunflower with huge breasts that you can bounce on, and needs to get “pollinated” for example), the Grim Reaper, who is the same size as Conker, uses a megaphone, and hates cats), and of course, “The Great Mighty Poo” with corn for teeth that sings opera. There’s even a group of teddy bears named “Tediz”, which are part of a certain communist party. It was quite obvious that Rare and Nintendo were going all out with this. If they were going to make an original mature title, they were going all the way.

Of course, there needs to be a story other than Conker trying to get home in one piece. See, the Panther King (the ruler of the world in which Conker is lost at), is quite upset that one of his legs is missing off of his throne-side table, and whenever he puts his glass of milk on it, the table falls, spilling his milk. He doesn’t cry over the spilled milk, he gets furious! His servant, Professor Von Kriplespac (obviously, a spoof of the drink Triple Sec), suggested that a squirrel might be the proper height to repair the leg. So, The Panther King wants it to happen, and sends out his drones to capture one. (What luck!) Meanwhile, the adventures get crazier and crazier for Conker. He’s returning bee hives to a queen bee, avoiding getting poked in the butt by a talking redneck pitchfork, running away from little devils that have fire for flatulence, and beating brass balls off of a boiler with a frying pan. (Try saying that 5 times fast!) He has to deal with the Mofia, join the army, yet all he wants to do is go home! And you can tell that Rare had fun programming it… Wait until you see the fun they make of themselves towards the end of the game!

Conker’s Bad Fur Day, even with it being released in 2001, was actually one of the first three dimensional games that I ever touched. (I know, I don’t know how I lasted so long either, looking back.) The controls were quite smooth, once you got the hang of it. If nothing else, it completely took advantage of all of the buttons available on the N64 controller, with a lot of angles to deal with. The nice thing about the game is that you didn’t have to go through a lot of menus to get the weapon or ability you needed at that exact moment. (Birdie The Scarecrow, when not telling Conker to **** off, calls it “Context Sensitive”). That was refreshing since you didn’t have to do a lot of fiddling. Could you imagine accidentally picking the Alka-Selter in the first part of the game, and trying to throw it at The Great Mighty Poo instead of toilet paper? Wouldn’t work out too well.

Some people may think that a game like this is nothing but a bunch of trashy toilet humor. And you know something? You’re absolutely correct. This is NOT a game for kids, and it’s NOT a game for sensitive adults, either. You have to have an open mind and a twisted sense of humor (or at least, appreciate twisted sense of humor), in order to enjoy this title. Fortunately for me, 5 years before this, a little show called “South Park” aired on TV for the first time, so I was already tainted.

The game itself however, is really solid. It might have a lot of weirdness and vulgarity to it, but the game itself is still a lot of fun to play. In fact, even today, when I have friends over and we had a few, we all like to put the cartridge in for a good time. Even though the main title is a 1 player game (other than the multiplayer mode which is totally different), even the single player mode is really fun to watch.

While the game received many positive reviews for the graphics and sound, the game sold poorly. Not only was this one of the final games made for the system (it was the first of only eight games released in 2001, with one final game released in August of 2002), it suffered from very limited advertising. The television commercial I mentioned earlier in the review only aired at night during the off hours, in case kids played the previous games that Conker was featured in. However, due to the crazy fun and “cult classic” status that the game achieved, 4 years later, a disaster happened!

In 2005, the game was remade for the original XBox console. Originally called “Conker: Live & Uncut”, during the process of recreating the game, Microsoft Studios heavily censored the game. I mean, HEAVILY. Almost none of it was left intact. Which was weird, since the XBox was a console aimed at teens and adults, and had games like Grand Theft Auto III available. Suddenly, a squirrel with a foul mouth was too risque for the console? It just didn’t make any sense. While the graphics were a refreshing update, and the multiplayer option (again, altered) was successful on XBox Live, if you bought it thinking it was a graphically better completely uncensored game, you’re sadly mistaken.

If you like TV shows like “South Park”, “Crank Yankers”, or even “Family Guy”, you might just want to give this game a shot. (No, not TAKING a shot… Conker drank beer!) Just make sure you do it right, and play the N64 version. You won’t be sorry.

This was a game that was originally released for the Commodore 64 and Apple II computers in October of 1987. After the original printing, it was ported to other computer systems of the era, such as the Commodore Amiga, Atari ST, and DOS based systems. In 1990, the game was ported to only a single gaming console, the original Nintendo Entertainment System.

It was a game that featured flying cars. Radioactive pools. Long, empty dungeons. Crazy wanted posters. Intergalactic communication. A mysterious package. A medical family. Three guys that will publish anything. Houseplants that burped after drinking cans of Pepsi. Slimey meteors. Severed tentacles that wanted to become rock stars. And if that wasn’t enough for you, microwaved hamsters.

For those of you out there that don’t know that I am talking about “Maniac Mansion”, you really need to “stop being a tuna head”. I can remember buying my copy of the game at the now defunct “Child World”. Buying games there was quite awkward. You had to get a slip of paper from the aisle that had the video game library, take the ticket to the cashier, pay for the game, and then go to the back of the store to pick the game up at what looked like a bank teller in a bad neighborhood. Kind of like how when CD’s first came to be, when they were always in that locked glass case in the back of the record store. I guess they were considered “premium” purchases back in the day. But regardless, nothing was better than tearing open the package in the car and reading the manual while I was the passenger in life, on the long trip home.

But I’m getting off topic here. Maniac Mansion was one of many games that I had purchased with my hard earned allowance money, but it was also one of the few that I had purchased solely based on the box art and testimony only. The front of the box, with its surfer guy, flashlight ghosting, and the typical big 80s hair. Complete with that strange face in the middle, that really cool looking mansion, and the full moon. The back of the box, with the statement, “Why is there a chainsaw in the kitchen?” As the 80s ad used to go, “Inquiring minds want to know. *I* Want to know!”

I start the game up with what had to be one of the most amazing video game theme songs that I hadn’t heard since Zelda II, which is one of my all time favorite video game soundtracks. Then with the title screen scrolling the words “Maniac Mansion” with the heart stabbed at the end, it was a homage already to everything that I loved: Bad B-Horror movies. I just knew at that point that it was going to be good.

Maniac Mansion takes place in the house of the Edison’s. Dr. Fred, Nurse Edna, and their son, Weird Ed make up the human-like aspect of the household, but add to that purple and green tentacles, and you have one big happy family! “20 years ago today”, a meteor crashed near the Edison mansion. The meteor took complete control over the family, which in turn, caused Dr. Fred to begin sucking the pretty brains out of other humans for experimental use. Dave, the main playable character in the game, believes that he saw his girlfriend, Sandy, get abducted to the mansion, and fears her safety. It’s up to Dave and two friends (of your choice) to enter the mansion and save her.

Each of the other characters that you can pick have a special talent or ability that will help you with the game. Examples of special traits include being able to repair radio and telephone equipment, playing musical instruments, or being excellent writers. The combination of characters that the player selects will determine not only the order that the game is played, but will also effect the possible endings, both positive and negative.

Once you enter the mansion, is when the real fun occurs. Using an interface called SCUMM (seriously), you select from options such as “Open”, “Go To”, “Use…With”, and others. It makes it feel like the old text adventures where you had to type out long commands and do a lot of reading, but the interface makes it easier, and of course, there’s graphics involved. I always had a thing for these kind of adventure games, because for the most part, you could take your time. (Unless of course you go straight for the kitchen… “Hello Dearie!”)

The object of the game is to use your special talents and abilities, and try to find and rescue Sandy. As weird as it sounds, to do that, you need to do some pretty strange things. Like getting to the attic by feeding Chuck a Pepsi. (Did I mention Chuck is a plant?) Or, feeding a tentacle a bowl of wax fruit. Or, temporarily emptying out a radioactive pool. Even doing something REALLY crazy like trying to set up a new band, or by writing a best selling novel! But don’t give a certain person their beloved pet after microwaving it, or it’s curtains for you.

The game is mostly a trial and error style of game unless you have a cheat guide, or watch walkthroughs on Youtube, but you’re not that kind of player, right? Besides, playing the game a few times has a very nice benefit, other than being a lot of fun. See, one cool aspect of the game is the multiple types of endings. Of course, in today’s games, it’s very common to have endings happen based on your input throughout the game. But in 1987, this was something very new. For instance, you can save Sandy, but get the Slimy meteor a record contract. Or, you can save Sandy, and have the meteor be arrested during a live intergalactic television broadcast. But make a few wrong moves, and you can also cause an atomic meltdown that causes “everything within a 5 mile radius” to be infected. (Really? Just 5 miles? Maybe those “Duck & Cover” videos from the 50s were right!)

With this a trial and error game, and with many different combinations of characters that you can play as, it really gives the game a fantastic replay value. Which for any generation of gaming, if you’re going to pork out $50 on a video game, replay value is an absolute must in my opinion. I’ve personally only seen about 3 different endings in the many years that I’ve played the game, but I know there are quite a few more. (Cause, you know. I *am* that kind of player!) And don’t feel that you have the finish the game in a single sitting: The cartridge uses a battery save state instead of a tedious password system. After all, games are supposed to be fun, not data entry! Kudos to Jaleco! All in all, this is definitely a game that should be added to everyone’s NES collection. I’m sure once you give it a play, even for just a few minutes, you’ll be hooked on the randomness, that is, the Maniac Mansion.